The Highs and Lows of Being Long Distance

     Long-distance relationships are extremely tough to deal with. No one ever wants to live away from their partner. When Aary and I first met, we were living in two different cities.  He was in Los Angeles and I was in Chicago, and neither one of us had any plans to move. I want to share the story of how the long distance at the beginning of our relationship is both different and similar, to being long distance almost two years into our relationship.

    Aary and I met while I was on a work trip to Los Angeles, and it happened to be on my last day. We spent a few weeks talking nonstop while I was seeing my family in San Fransisco. Before I knew it, he was booking a flight to Chicago to come and meet me for the first time. If you want to know all about that, I've written about it on my blog already! Long story short, we instantly clicked and fell for each other. There was a mutual understanding between the two of us that we wanted this relationship to work, but hesitation started to arise. How where we going to manage a brand new relationship while living in two different states in two different time zones? We were both clueless, but we decided it was worthwhile to try.

    I will admit, Aary and I were lucky in the sense that we could financially afford to fly to see each other once a month.  I spent a week in LA with him only three weeks after he came to Chicago, and there we decided to make a game plan. Twice a week we would order each other dinner, and turn on the same movie while on facetime. It was something small that we could do to feel as though we were on a date. He would call me while he got ready for work, and right before bed. Aary and I were making it work pretty well because we were still getting to know each other. Obviously, there were days when it wasn't easy and we missed each other greatly. The two-hour time difference was our biggest challenge. Yes, the time difference isn't that bad, but when he would wake up in the morning, my work day had already begun. At night, when Aary was home from work, I was already out with friends or getting ready for bed. Stemming from that came a lot of miscommunication. After about 4 months, I had the opportunity to move to LA for work, and Aary was ecstatic. Finally, the distance would end and we could actually be with each other for more than a week at a time. Before I knew it, I was living with Aary and we had our own apartment, and we were immersed with so much joy. 

    Living together for over a year was the best choice we had both made. Going to bed every night together was comforting. Eating our meals together while we talked about our day was so much better than doing it through a screen. Aary and I both knew at some point that we would have to do some distance due to our jobs that are internationally based. However, we thought it would be a few weeks at most, not 3-4 months apart again. We quickly sat down and talked about how we could make this work. However, there were some major differences compared to the first time. I am moving somewhere new that is 10,000 miles away from my home. Aary and I are also very attached to each other now that we've been together for a while. The love we share is so strong, and we've spent almost every day together for 14 months. Without a doubt, going the long distance again was going to be harder than the first time.

We've been long-distance for over a month now, and the differences and similarities are apparent. We still do date nights where we order each other food and watch movies together over facetime. He calls me when he gets ready in the morning despite my day already starting, and we end every night with a quick phone call. This time we're both working a lot, so we can't communicate as often as we are used to. I will admit, there is a lot more sadness this time around. I cry a lot when doing things that I know he would enjoy. I deeply miss going to bed with him holding me every night. It's a weird feeling, managing it better but also being way more emotional about it. Luckily, we still have the option to see each other frequently. Aary is currently on his way to Singapore to spend 5 days with me, and he'll do it again next month. 

    Long distance is never easy, but it is worth it. We are flourishing in our careers while also realizing how much we appreciate the other person. There are so many things I need Aary for, and him not being here has made me realize that. I can tell you first hand he misses my cooking because he calls me and asks me to walk him through how to make it. It's harder the second time around because we're used to being with each other all the time, but it doesn't make it impossible. I would rather deal with the distance now, than have to do it when we're married with kids and really need the other person.