Visiting Your Partner's Home Country

    When Aary and I first met, he always told me how much he wanted to show me India. Throughout the course of our relationship, he has shown me pictures of his favorite cities, and why they are so special to him. He would sit and talk for hours about the want and desire to go home, and that was something I couldn't understand. I couldn't relate to living in a different country and not being able to go back home whenever wanted because of immigration issues. Despite living abroad for years, he has never felt at home here, and that's something I wanted to understand. I had always told Aary I would do everything in my power for him to visit India and spend time there, but when that time came I felt frozen.

    In November we got a call from his lawyer that he finally had a visa appointment, and could go back to India. The last 3 years were filled with lawyers, filling paperwork, and constant disappointment. He has been waiting for the phone call where he was told "you've been approved" for years. The joy and happiness that radiated off of Aary when finding out his visa was approved is something I will never forget. As he hung up the phone and looked at me, he asked "will you come with me"?  Time stopped for a moment when I heard that question. In my head, I knew that I would go with him, but he was also going home for 4 weeks.  Am I prepared to spend a month in a country I never dreamed of visiting? Am I prepared to see my partner in his home and native environment? Will our relationship change? My brain was racing with 'what ifs' but then I was able to look back at Aary's gleaming face. All the doubts slowly faded while his big smile and brown eyes looked at me. I would go anywhere in the world, for as long as time allows, as long I'm with him. 

    He immediately started to tell me how he couldn't wait to show me New Delhi and all the places he went to as a kid. Every day he was showing me old photos of where he was planning on taking me. I had never seen Aary with this much happiness. Happiness I will never be able to understand because I will never know what it's like to be an immigrant living so far away from the ground I come from while always earning to go home. I was ecstatic for this trip, solely so that I could see Aary at peace, in his home. Within a matter of days, our flights and hotels were booked, and before I knew it I had a tourist visa for India. I will admit, I was extremely nervous about the trip. We have already had so many hardships arise in our relationship, and I didn't know how this trip would impact that. His family wasn't keen on me joining Aary on his trip home, and that worried me. The country is so different than America, I didn't know how I was going to react no matter the preparation I did. I wanted to make sure that Aary felt safe and happy being back in India, and I didn't want my presence to change that for him. However, he assured me that he wouldn't be happy if I was not by his side. There was nothing that would make him happier than showing me his home country and seeing it in a new light.  

    Visiting India was much more than a visa appointment or a vacation. It was to see why Aary is the way he is. It's to see where he formed his values and beliefs, and although it can be scary, it is so important to immerse yourself in your partner's home country. As our trip has ended, I can truly say there are so many aspects of Aary that I understand better. I feel like I can relate and understand more when he talks of what he misses from home. I can utilise the things I learned in his home country to make him feel more at home wherever we may be. It doesn't matter if your partner is from Latin America, Middle East, Africa, or Asia, so much of who they are and what they love in life stems from their roots. It is incredibly important as their partner to constantly make them know that their home is just as important to you. If you can't visit their home country because of circumstances, incorporating things from their country and culture into your life is so simple. For instance, decor that reminds them of home is simple but impactful. Cooking food from their culture at least once a week will make a huge difference. Celebrating holidays the way they do at home is so much fun for both of you. If you're inclined to, learn some of their native language as well. Finally, learn the history of their country. Do your research on what the people have gone through and what is important to them. This doesn't just show your partner how much you care, but also their family. 

Seeing Elephants in Rajasthan!

    I am so grateful that Aary and I have the opportunity to see where the other is from. After spending time in India I can confidently say I understand Aary and his family better. We've only been in my home for a few days, but Aary has already realized why I do certain things. Being from different cultures is hard, no matter where you are in the world. At the end of the day, the most important thing you can do for your partner is to make them feel validated. Validate their feelings while embracing them. Taking the time to learn, embrace, and respect the differences you share will change things for the better. It isn't easy having homes that are different in every way, but it is easy respecting and loving each other and our homes.