Would I have done things differently?

      I ask myself on a daily basis if I was the issue these past few months. My mind is always wondering if my boundaries were wrong or too much. Was I as polite and respectful as I could have been? Should I have ditched my culture and beliefs to make them happy? The short answer is no. I was not the issue. I am proud of myself for the way I handled everything. I was always respectful and polite, and changed a lot of my lifestyle for them and their son. Despite that, there are a few things I would have done differently. 

    My biggest regret is not spending one-on-one time with his parents without him. I truly feel as though things would have gone differently if I would've been able to talk to them as adults. I never was able to sit them down and tell them how much I adore their son, and that I would do anything for him and his family. If they were able to see me as an adult and not just their son's girlfriend, I think their opinion of me would be different. The thought of reaching out to them is always on my mind, but I'm not the one who cut off contact. If they were to reach out to me and apologize, I would gladly sit down and try to repair the relationship. Showing your partner's parents what your intentions are is important. There were so many things said that were misinterpreted because it was going through Aary as a middle man. If they came directly to me with their complaints rather than Aary, a lot of things would be different. 

    I can own up to the fact that my behavior wasn't perfect. There were a few times were I could've been more talkative and engaged, but I simply wasn't. It truly is like walking on eggshells when trying to get on the good side of traditional parents. I was always anxious and nervous, and those emotions made it hard to show his parents my true character. They were able to pretend things weren't awkward or uncomfortable, and I couldn't do the same. Now, that could be because they weren't uncomfortable and I was. Aary would see them solo quite a bit. I can't help but think that involving myself more would've forced them to be open and accepting. I definitely didn't spend as much time with them as they would've liked me to, and I regret it.  In the beginning of the relationship, prioritize spending time with your partners family. It can really change the course of the relationship. 

    I'll be honest, there aren't a lot of things I would've changed. I have gone through enough in my life that I can create strong and firm boundaries. The biggest issue I faced was Aary not having any boundaries. He let his parents disrespect him in a lot of different ways. When he decided to have boundaries, it took months for him to actually implement them. After that, it would take even longer for his parents to respect those boundaries. Making sure your partner is in the same headspace about the situation is important. Going through a situation like ours, we constantly had to come at issues as a team. If you aren't on the same page, you can't go at things as a team. Aary was constantly being pulled in so many different directions, he wasn't able to be on the same page as me for a while. Once we finally were on the same terms, we were able to uphold our strong boundaries and get respect for our relationship. 

I'm proud of Aary and I for handling the situation as best as we could. We always had good intentions, and we always will.